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NWA-TNA #1
06/19/2002 from Huntsville, Alabama, USA
The year was 2002. Nelly was heating up the charts with "Hot In Herre", Spider-Man was about to swing into movie theaters for the first time, the United States had yet to enter the Iraq War, and ol' Bush Jr. was the president.
In the wrestling business, things were changing. The business was in a decline from the Monday Night Wars era peak. Event attendance, pay per view buyrates and television ratings were all falling. Much of this had to do with the end of World Championship Wrestling when it was acquired by the World Wrestling Federation. The closure of WCW harmed the industry greatly as there were now fewer jobs available, and worse, caused a massive part of the wrestling fan base to stop watching wrestling entirely. It was this fan base that NWA-TNA seeked to lure back when they aired their first PPV in June of 2002. What kind of show did they put on? Well let's take a look.
OPENING SEGMENT
Bad news. The show begins with Ed Ferrara. He comes out and asks the audience if they're ready for a little TNA. I assume he is really referring to tits and ass. This is a problem that TNA would be plagued with due to their name forever. Good news, Mike Tenay is the lead color commentator. MORE BAD NEWS. He is joined by Ferrara and Don West who seem to have never even heard of wrestling before.
Time has not been kind to Jeremy Borash.
Borash introduces some legends from the National Wrestling Alliance. They are "Handsome" Harley Race, Dory Funk Jr., Jackie Fargo,"Bullet" Bob Armstrong, Corsica Joe, Sarah Lee, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. Steamboat carries the NWA World Heavyweight Championship belt out with him and proceeds to cut a promo putting over the belt and how important and prestigious it is. In fact tonight a NEW world heavyweight champion will be crowned, we are told. This would have been considered something special in the 70's but in 2002 every fly by night wrestling company had a world title, and there were world title changes constantly on TV and PPV. But hey, at least they are trying to make this night seem important.
So exactly HOW do they propose to decide the new NWA Champion? THE GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD. A 20 man over the top battle royale where the final two remaining men will go on to have a singles match, refereed by none other than The Dragon himself. On paper this doesn't sound too bad. Considering this is a complete reboot of the NWA title(it had been vacated a few months prior to this event by Dan Severn), a battle royale gets a lot of dudes on the show, and maybe the booking can get a few of them over and the the viewers get an introduction to the NWA-TNA roster. The problem is the battle royale is filled with either complete unknowns, or cast offs from WCW, WWF, or ECW. When you're giving a fat Lash LeRoux, Gangrel and Crowbar all getting a chance to win the supposedly prestigious title, that's a problem.
Jeff Jarrett comes out and calls all of this stupid. So the heel comes out and points out how stupid the main even is, and not only that, HE'S RIGHT! Then the babyface Scott Hall(looking pretty rough) comes out, and also calls the match stupid. I don't know how much these shows cost in 2002 but it sounds like the bookers wouldn't have even paid for it. Ken Shamrock comes out as well and just kind of puffs his chest out and looks macho. So the three guys that could possibly win the title tonight are Jarrett, Hall and Shamrock. Jackie Fargo tells Jarrett he will be the first entrant into the gauntlet for the gold, which is to be a Royal Rumble style match.
On a show built around crowning a new heavyweight champion of the world, and supposedy honoring the tradition of the NWA and the sport of professional wrestling, the next thing we see? A PSYCHO MIDGET!
Match #1: AJ Styles & Low-Ki & Jerry Lynn vs. The Flying Elvis Impersonators(Jimmy Yang & Jorge Estrada & Sonny Siaki)
This is a decent opener with some decent high flying, as you can expect from some of the talent involved. It's crazy that AJ Styles went from being "flippy indie guy #492" to becoming one of the top three wrestlers in the world today. Mike Tenay does a good job of calling the action, but West and Ferrara keep saying stupid shit. Every time there's a cool sequence they drop an Elvis reference. It's a dumb gimmick but the Flying Elvises were pretty good. Jimmy Yang of course went on to WWE where he become one of my fave stupid gimmicks ever, the asian redneck Jimmy Wang Yang. Yang wins when he pins Styles with a twisting moonsault thing from the top rope. Not a great match but it does it's job. **3/4.
Match #2: Hollywood vs. TEO
Here come the midgets. Are we sure Vince wasn't involved in this company as a silent partner? Tenay says that TEO was influenced by Rey Mysterio, and that in his early years Mysterio was encouraged to wrestle as a midget. Ferrara says that he did go on to wrestle as a midget. I hate this motherfucker. Teo wins with a twistin swanton from the top. We are told that TEO stands for Total E Outstanding. *
Up next Ferrara is in the ring looking like a crack addicted Jonathan Davis from Korn. He hypes next week's bikini battle royale, a match steeped in the honor and tradition of the NWA. Some of the women for that match include Daffney(David Flair's crazy girlfriend from WCW), Francine and Elektra from ECW. Francine says none of the other women deserve to be in the ring with her because she is the Queen of XtReMe. A catfight breaks out. This felt like they were trying to rip off WWE's women's division where it was mostly lingerie pillow fight matches and shit. Bad.
I should add that there are girls dancing in cages around the entrance. Because T 'n' A you know?
Next we've got Goldylocks(TNA's backstage interviewer) with some nerd named Mortimer Plumtree.
He looks like an evil Mike Quackenbush. He puts over the tag team that he manages, The Johnsons. He says they used to torment him in school but now they do his bidding unquestioningly.
We are told Plumtree is a graduate of Harvard. Why in the fuck would a Harvard grad be managing a team of walking penises in Huntsville, Alabama?
Match #3: James Storm & Psychosis vs. The Johnsons(w/ Mortimer Plumtree)
Psychosis isn't in his mask any more, so no one really cares because they don't recognize him, and James Storm is an unknown at this point. Storm doesn't have his cowboy gimmick yet either. They have a basic tag team match. James Storm is really good these days and I'm looking forward to seeing him figure himself out. The Johnsons are so endearingly shitty. They are like a perverted version of The Assassins. Plumtree is just bizarre and I'm told he didn't stick around for too long in the company. The Johnsons win when one of them hits Storm with a samoan drop into a cutter type deal. **
Ryan Shamrock came to the ring during this match and looked at the ref. After the match he gave her money. The announcers put it over as being important. I wonder where this will lead.
Goldylocks is backstage with The Dupps. They were a terrible team from the later days of ECW. One of them is Trevor Murdoch before he got fat.
There is a huge tub full of beer that the Dupps proceed to dig in on. They are then told by an official that they can't get drunk before their match. I guess Scott Hall left his tub of Schlitz there. They proceed to chug away because rednecks love drinking you know?
Sterling Marlin and Hermie Saddler from Nascar come out. Marlin was the Winston Cup points leader at the time, and Tenay tells us he is like the NWA World Heavyweight Champion of Nascar. That's pretty amazing. The racers and Borash shoot the shit for a second when they are interrupted by none other than K-KRUSH! You may know him now as R-Truth. He says he is sick of hearing about Nascar and that they don't belong here. So basically this is like whenever a celebrity shows up on Monday Night Raw these days. At least one of them didn't tell K-Krush that he was gonna be in a match with Kofi Johnson. Sadler buries Krush, saying he doesn't look like a real athlete. Brian Christopher(Grand Master Sexay) comes to the ring and challenges Krush to a match next week. This was fine and at least they built to a match next week. I hope Marlin power bombs K-Krush on a race car for the finish.
We see Jeff Jarrett strangling the 71 year old Jackie Fargo. PLOT DEVELOPMENT.
Match #4: The Dupps(Stan Dupp & Jack Dupp w/ Fluff Dudpp) vs. Christian York & Joey Mathews
A skinny ass Scott Armstrong referees this match. This is yet another basic tag team match on this show. The finish comes when Fluff crotches York on the top rope and Jack pins him. *
They air a Toby Keith music video. Then there's a live performance by Toby Keith. He sings one of his amazing songs about how great america is and the Statue of Liberty sticking it's boot up Saddam's ass. This is interrupted by the terrorist sympathizer Jeff Jarrett. Thank you.
It should be noted that Jarrett has not said SLAPNUTS once this evening.
Match #5: The Gauntlet For The Gold Match
Entrants in this match are: Jeff Jarrett, Marcus Bagwell, Vampire Warrior, Ken Shamrock, Scott Hall, Brian Christopher, K-Krush, Konnan, Lash LeRoux, Norman Smiley, Justice, Bruce, Chris Harriss, Dell Rios, Devon Storm, Gran Apolo, Steve Corino, Rick Steiner, Slash, and Malice.
Match starts with Jarrett and Bagwell. They do the thing where Jarrett eliminates everyone as they come out. So he quickly eliminates Bagwell, Lash LeRoux, and Norman Smiley. Apollo comes out and then K-Krush. The ring quickly fills up. Guys that people recognized from WCW and elsewhere get reactions, but the nobodies get nothing. Scott Hall gets the biggest pop when he comes out and eventually gives the Razor's Edge to Jarrett.
Jarrett is eliminated when Toby Keith comes out and gives Jarrett a vertical suplex(!!) and is thrown out by Keith and Hall. The announcers put this over like it was the biggest moment in wrestling history. It was hilarious. Eventually Ken Shamrock and Malice are left and so begins...
Match #6: NWA World Heavyweight Championship match: Ken Shamrock vs. Malice. Special guest referee Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.
We are told that Malice is a member of The Disciples of the New Church. I have no clue what this means because it wasn't mentioned at any point on this show, and this is the first show for this promotion. Good job building to this. Shamrock does some submission moves. Shamrock basically beats the shit out of Malice, with Malice getting very little offense. The crowd gets behind Shamrock. Malice goes for a chokeslam(this seems to be his only move), but Shamrock breaks it and hits a bell to belly suplex for the pinfall. *
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